This week, Life Training Online is reviewing How to Win Friends & Influence People, by Dale Carnegie, the nineteenth of fifty-two books in the 52 Personal Development Books in 52 Weeks series.

Principle 1: Be Genuinely Interested in Other People

You can make more friends in two months being genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years trying to make others become genuinely interested in you. Carnegie claims that those who show no interest in their fellow men, end up in the end having the greatest difficulties in life. “It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.”

In the words of the famous Roman poet, Publilius Syrus, “We are interested in others when they are interested in us.”

So if you are interested in making friends, begin by voluntarily — that means no strings attached — doing things for other people. Things that require time, talents, energy, thoughtfulness and unselfishness. This is the key to winning friends…

Principle 2: Smile

We’ve all heard the phrase, “Actions speak louder than words.” And the simple action of a smile can carry you further with people than most words will.

Think about it. Have you ever had one of those days where nothing is going right, the world seems to be conspiring against you, and most of all you feel miserable? Then all of a sudden you come across someone who, without any reason why, gives you a most genuine smile. Doesn’t that simple action seem to cause the sun to break apart the clouds of your dismal day, and lift you up from that point on? I’ve definitely experienced that.

That’s the power of a simple smile.

Principle 3: Remember that a Person’s Name is to that Person the Sweetest and Most Important Sound in Any Language

We need to understand that someone’s name represents their individuality and uniqueness. It’s what they own and is what sets them apart. Whether you’re dealing with the senior executive or the waiter, taking the effort to recall and use their name will bring you dividends well worth the effort it takes to put it to memory.

It really is the sweetest sound they can hear.

Principle 4: Be a Good Listener. Encourage Others to Talk About Themselves

To become a great conversationalist is somewhat of a paradox, because you hardly converse at all. Truly great conversationalists are in fact great listeners.

Just to make his point, Carnegie explains that if you want to make people avoid you like death, here is the recipe: Never listen to anyone for long. Always talk about yourself. In fact, if someone is talking about himself, interrupt them in the middle of their sentence and start talking about YOURself again.

Have you ever met people like that? Yeah, me too. And I tend to avoid them as probably so do you.

So if you aspire to be a great conversationalist, start working on your listening skills. Encourage others to talk about themselves and show genuine interest.

Principle 5: Talk in Terms of the Other Person’s Interests

If you can talk with other people in terms of what they’re interested in, both of you will benefit. You’ll begin to not only gain favor in the eyes of the other person, but best of all, you’ll expand and grow as a result of learning about other’s interests, and you may just develop a new passion out of it.

We are not an island unto ourselves. If you live that way, you’re sure to have a very uninteresting life. It’s when you open yourself up to others’ interests, that your own interests grow.

Principle 6: Make the Other Person Feel Important — and Do it Sincerely

There is one all-important law of human conduct. If we obey that law, we shall almost never get into trouble. In fact, that law, if obeyed, will bring us countless friends and constant happiness…The law is this: Always make the other person feel important.

As was noted in the last post, the desire to be important is the deepest drive in human nature. We all want to be appreciated. Take to heart the words of Emerson, “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.”

Just think of that! If you were to really feel that everyone has something that they can do better than you, and you genuinely seek to learn from them, the feeling of appreciation that they’ll have is beyond words.

How to Win Friends & Influence People is the nineteenth of fifty-two books in Life Training - Online’s series 52 Personal Development Books in 52 Weeks.

This week, Life Training Online is reviewing How to Win Friends & Influence People, by Dale Carnegie, the nineteenth of fifty-two books in the 52 Personal Development Books in 52 Weeks series.

If You Want to Gather Honey - Don’t Kick Over the Beehive

Principle 1: Don’t criticize, condemn or complain

In most cases, we never criticize ourselves, for anything, no matter how wrong it may be. On the other hand, when it comes to others faults, we are usually the first to get in line to tell them what we think.

When we are dealing with people, we need to understand that we are not dealing with perfectly logical creatures. Instead we are dealing with beings of emotion, prejudices, pride and vanity. Criticism is seldom taken without resentment and it usually only fosters criticism directed back at us.

Benjamin Franklin was so talented at handling people that he was made Ambassador to France. In his own words, “I will speak ill of no man…and speak all the good I know of everybody.” The greatest among us show us their greatness in the way they treat those who aren’t so great. Instead of criticising, complaining or condemning those around us, try instead to understand them. This will take you a lot further than negativity; and it will gather to you sympathy, tolerance, and kindness.

The Big Secret of Dealing with People

Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation

In Carnegie’s opinion, there’s really only one truly effective way to get somebody to do something. And that is to give them the one thing that is seldom gratified. And what is that? According to Carnegie, it is the feeling of importance or the desire to be great.

Think about it for a minute. If our ancestor’s didn’t have this strong desire to make a difference, feel important, or be great, we as a society would not be where we are today. This is the desire that inspired Dickens to write is timeless novels, to turn a once uneducated, poverty-stricken grocery clerk into one of the most influential presidents of our time (Lincoln), and create the Rockefeller’s and Bill Gates of our day.

That rare individual that can satisfy this need in others will be able to hold people in the palm of their hands so that “even the undertaker will be sorry when he dies.” Charles Schwab, steel tycoon, and one of the most wealthy men of his time said it best,

I believe in giving a person incentive to work. So I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.

It really comes down to thinking less about our wants and accomplishments and becoming more in tune to other’s praiseworthy points. Forget flattery. Give honest, sincere appreciation and people will cherish your words, remembering them long after you’ve spoken them.

He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World with Him. He Who Cannot Walks a Lonely Way

Principle 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want

In line with principle 2, this third principle takes the focus away from you and puts it again on those around us. It’s really the only way we can influence others. And that is to talk about what they want and to show them how to get it.

The next time you want to persuade somebody to do something, before you speak, Carnegie suggests pausing and asking yourself, “How can I get this person to want to do it?” That question will immediately put a stop to you rushing off in futile chatter about your own desires — prohibiting any powers of persuasion.

That’s where having the ability to truly empathize — that is, to see another’s point of view as well as your own — comes in great demand. You’ll then be able to perceive what it is that they really want, thereby arousing within them that desire. And if you can do that, the “world will be with you.”

How to Win Friends & Influence People is the nineteenth of fifty-two books in Life Training - Online’s series 52 Personal Development Books in 52 Weeks.